Laughing

One thing I am certain that I love is to laugh! It's something I don't do nearly enough but the last couple of days have been filled with much laughter.

On New Year's Eve I was at my parents house. One little known fact about the Keddington Family is that a few hours or minutes after bedtime (8 pm), we get incredibly slap happy! I think I may be the worst. I cannot control my laughter and occasionally can't even breath.

We played Scrabble and since I could easily be the worst speller in my family, just for me, it was played by spelling all the words phonetically. We should have taken a picture of the board because we came up with some pretty good words and did a whole lot of laughing in the process.

I love clean, funny movies or books where the story makes me laugh out loud. I love to be with friends and family where there is much laughter.

2012 - A Year of Enjoyment

I can hardly believe it's January 1st, 2012. I can't even remember the last time I was actually awake to ring in the New Year, but tonight I find myself sitting in the living room, lit only by the Christmas tree, wondering.

I've had most of this week off and have done a whole lot of thinking. While I had plenty of lazy time, I spent a lot of time at the temple. One of the days I was there, I read a scripture. I've been thinking about it a lot ever since. The scripture is found in 2 Nephi 9:14. There is one line that says, "the righteous shall have a perfect knowledge of their enjoyment". This caused me to think about a comment from President Hinckley that "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured".


2011 was a year of enduring. While I suppose it would be easy to blame that on some individuals and even some circumstances, the truth is, it was all my own doing. I made it that way. My sister asked me at some point during the summer what, besides spending time with my family, really made me happy, what were things I did that made me laugh, and how often did I do those things. Even thinking about that conversation brings tears to my eyes because I didn't know how to answer her.


So, this week, one of the many things I've been thinking about is who I am. Now, I know who I am. I know that I have a Father in Heaven who absolutely loves me and I know that I am His daughter and have potential to one day become like He is. I also know that I am part of an incredible family who supports and loves me in spite of me. But, if someone were to ask me what my favorite book or movie is, or what music I enjoy or artist I love, I don't know the answers to those things. I love books and movies and I certainly love music, so these should be easy answers, but I don't know. What about my favorite food? Is answering "something I don't have to cook" even an answer?

Tonight, I sit here by the light of the Christmas tree, wondering and determined that 2012 will be a year of enjoyment as I discover the answers to these questions. This year for 365 days (dare I even commit to that number?) I will discover me and what I like and probably things I don't like. While my New Year's resolution continues to be the same as it is every year, to end this year better than I was at the beginning, I want to do that by enjoying, not just enduring. I want to be able to say in 2012 I discovered things about myself that I didn't know and became better in the process.

Birthdays

This week will be my 38th birthday - one year closer to 40! It's kind of crazy to think about, actually. I don't feel almost 40. When I got my haircut last week the very young stylist asked me how old I was. When I told her she said, "No way! You can't be that old!" This really made me feel good until I went to buy a new computer (mine has been broken for a month) and the twenty something kid helping me pointed to one and said, "My mom really likes this one so you probably will too." Your mom? Really?

I have to admit that about this time every year I start to evaluate my life. I think about the year that has past and wonder about the things that took place. There was actually a point at this time last year where I was confident I would be married by this birthday. Earlier this year it looked like I might even be engaged by my birthday. But.... And while it's easy to think about the fact that I'm 38 (almost) and don't have a husband and children, which is something I will continue to wish for every year, there are a lot of great things that happened from May of 2010 until May of 2011. Let me share just a few of them.

• I graduated from college! It took 20 years, but I finally did it. I cried when I submitted my last assignment. I couldn't believe I was finally finished.



• I fell in love - twice. Well, not exactly twice because it was the same man both times. And actually I had never fallen out of love with him. I never knew one could experience that kind of love. It made it impossible to concentrate on anything, kept me daydreaming constantly, and made me a better person.



• I experienced a broken heart - a really broken heart. This sounds like a ridiculous thing to report, but the result of that broken heart was a much better me.



• An entire year of weekly temple attendance. What a blessing this was for me.



• My job changed twice. I changed stores in September and in April of this year, my workload changed dramatically as the responsibilities of the distribution center were added to my job description.



• Had an absolutely fantastic Christmas season. I attribute this to weekly temple attendance.

I'm sure there are more, many more things that happened since my last birthday. The bottom line is that I had a lot happen. Some of it was incredibly difficult. Some of it still is. But I know absolutely that I have a loving Father who is so aware of me. I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I know that He does because He sees the whole picture. While I am nowhere near the spot I thought I would be at this point in my life, I am at the spot I should be. I'm looking forward to the events of the next 12 months, the things I will learn, the experiences I will have, and the person Ihope I will become.

School

Tonight I am pretending to do homework while I'm actually watching the BYU basketball game. It's nice to have a bit of a break, actually. Most of my evenings since school started on the 3rd of January have been spent doing homework - a lot of it!

I ended up having to drop my class in December. Crazy retail made it just about impossible to do anything other than work and I wasn't really looking forward to failing this class. So, I have 6 weeks and 5 days left of school. I can hardly believe it.

2 o'clock church

For some reason in my stake, our wards meet at 10, 12, and 2 rather than 9,11, and 1. I'll be the first to admit that while 10 is better than 9 and 12 isn't so bad, 2 is not my favorite and that's what we changed to today. I did forget, however, one reason why I like later church - the preparation that takes place Sunday morning.

With church at 2 there is no rushing to get things ready. Finishing touches on a lesson can take place with ample time. There is no speeding through scripture reading and there is plenty of time for thinking about what I've been reading. I can read through the assigned scriptures for gospel doctrine as well as the relief society lesson and feel like I can actually contribute to class. There is time to practice the songs I have to play for choir, which I'm sure everyone is grateful for, and even a little time for any other music I'd like to play through.

While it's true that a lot of these things can take place after church, doing them before helps me to feel better prepared for the Sabbath. So, while I'm sure I will do my share of grumbling about church from 2 to 5, I am thankful for the blessing it was today.

2010

Wow! I survived! I can hardly believe Christmas has come and gone, the holiday shopping season is over, and 2010 is quickly coming to a close.

During this year I experienced things that I hadn't in years as well as a whole bunch of new things, I did a lot of growing up, and I learned a ton. Some of those learning experiences were painful but some were amazingly happy.

I'm thankful for all that happened this year. Honestly. And I can't wait to see what adventures await during 2011.

Day 70 - A Change of Heart

This morning I read Alma 5. I love that chapter. Every time I read it I ask myself those questions and wonder if I'm in a better spot than I was the last time I read it. As I read today I started thinking about my heart.

It's been through a lot this year. It loved someone in a way and more deeply than it ever had before. There were times when that love was overwhelming and it was hard to imagine anything happier.

Then it was broken. There were times when I wondered if my little heart would ever heal. Could it recover? It didn't seem possible.

But it was! The result of experiencing a broken heart has been a changed one.

While going through all of this a dear friend shared this quote with me. Speaking of the Savior, Elder Bruce and Sister Marie Hafen write that "the height of His infinite capacity for joy is the inverse, mirror image of the depth of His capacity to bear our burdens. And as it is with Him, so it can be for us. Our sorrows and sacrifices carve and stretch the caverns of feeling within our own hearts. And as these caverns are enlarged they expand our soul's capacity for joy."

This is what my heart experienced. It was stretched and carved and it hurt while that was happening and at times I didn't think I could bear it. However, those enlarged caverns have indeed made room for more joy and happiness than I have ever experienced before. While I'm sure there is still more carving and stretching ahead, I'm so thankful for the change that took place this year in my little heart.