Sunday, September 7, 2014
I'll admit. It annoyed me.
You would think if anyone would agree with her, it would be me. I've spent my whole life as a single female in a church where we constantly talk about marriage and family. I've had to teach lessons on marriage or raising children as I've served in Young Women and Relief Society. I've sometimes sat through those lessons on marriage and family with a broken and heavy heart and struggled to hold back the tears. I've listened as well-intended sisters speculate as to why I'm still single and some who very bluntly tell me what it will take for my marital status to change. I've attended many additional Relief Society meetings that had to do with families or couples. But here is why I fit.
I'm a child of God.
That's why we all fit. We forget sometimes that we are all here, trying to make it back home. Every Single One of Us!! We are all in the same spot. We struggle with daily challenges and really hard things. Those "hard things" are different for each us, but they are hard and we all have them. We fit because there are times for each of us when we are doing everything we can but we feel tested and tried and we emerge from those situations stronger and more faithful. Sometimes, though, we don't. Sometimes we question and doubt and struggle. Sometimes we can be bitter. That also helps us fit. We've all been there. We are brothers and sisters who can't make it home alone. We need to help each other and love each other.
The reason I can look out on a congregation of women and feel like I belong is because I do. The Gospel of Jesus Christ binds us together; the fact that we have the same Father in Heaven binds us together. Our mortal journey is unique and tailored for each of us, but we are all trying to make it back. This makes us the same. This is why we fit!!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
I'm embarrassed to admit that it had never occurred to me that the times that my siblings and their families had been with me was a gift from Heavenly Father. I love having them here and have always felt thankful that I have been a position to help out when necessary, but it means so much more now, knowing that He placed them here for me.
Perhaps I will never bare children in this life and maybe no one will ever call me mother, but I'm so thankful that a loving Father has given me opportunities to fill that void in my life. It's true that a fullness of joy comes from ones posterity, but I will be forever thankful for the joy I feel when the sweet voice of a niece or nephew calls out to me, runs into my arms, or gives me a hug.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Of course I started to cry. I've done that a few times times today. I read it over and over again and had the same feeling each time, "There are better things ahead. Hold on. Don't give up. Look forward, not back. Be steadfast and He will help you. You can do it!!" And I know I can.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Every single day I thought about what he said to me. Every day the reality of what my mission president said to me felt like it was shoved in my face. During the next three years, I gained weight, a lot of it, and felt less than good about myself. While I started and stopped several diets, I gave up, wondering what the point was.
Sometime near the end of last year I started feeling that I really needed to remember who I am - who I really am. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that I am His daughter, but I struggle to see myself as He does. I wonder why that is true. Why do the things other people say about me carry more weight than what my Heavenly Father knows about me? Why do I let it? How can comments from a few people about how I look make more of an impact in my life than hundreds of comments from people who love me?
I see commercials all the time about weight loss. I was part of a facebook group about it. The message is always the same - you can't be happy and people won't love you unless you are a certain size. That's simply not true. Those people who really love me do so because they DO see me as Heavenly Father does. I am entitled to as much happiness as anyone else and I can feel it.
This year I want to spend time discovering what it is about me that my Heavenly Father loves. I want to be able put aside the comments of others and always remember that He loves me. I want to discover how remembering that allows me to be truly happy and how the knowledge of who I really am propels me to not let Him down and to really become that person that He sees.
Monday, January 2, 2012
On New Year's Eve I was at my parents house. One little known fact about the Keddington Family is that a few hours or minutes after bedtime (8 pm), we get incredibly slap happy! I think I may be the worst. I cannot control my laughter and occasionally can't even breath.
We played Scrabble and since I could easily be the worst speller in my family, just for me, it was played by spelling all the words phonetically. We should have taken a picture of the board because we came up with some pretty good words and did a whole lot of laughing in the process.
I love clean, funny movies or books where the story makes me laugh out loud. I love to be with friends and family where there is much laughter.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I've had most of this week off and have done a whole lot of thinking. While I had plenty of lazy time, I spent a lot of time at the temple. One of the days I was there, I read a scripture. I've been thinking about it a lot ever since. The scripture is found in 2 Nephi 9:14. There is one line that says, "the righteous shall have a perfect knowledge of their enjoyment". This caused me to think about a comment from President Hinckley that "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured".
2011 was a year of enduring. While I suppose it would be easy to blame that on some individuals and even some circumstances, the truth is, it was all my own doing. I made it that way. My sister asked me at some point during the summer what, besides spending time with my family, really made me happy, what were things I did that made me laugh, and how often did I do those things. Even thinking about that conversation brings tears to my eyes because I didn't know how to answer her.
So, this week, one of the many things I've been thinking about is who I am. Now, I know who I am. I know that I have a Father in Heaven who absolutely loves me and I know that I am His daughter and have potential to one day become like He is. I also know that I am part of an incredible family who supports and loves me in spite of me. But, if someone were to ask me what my favorite book or movie is, or what music I enjoy or artist I love, I don't know the answers to those things. I love books and movies and I certainly love music, so these should be easy answers, but I don't know. What about my favorite food? Is answering "something I don't have to cook" even an answer?
Tonight, I sit here by the light of the Christmas tree, wondering and determined that 2012 will be a year of enjoyment as I discover the answers to these questions. This year for 365 days (dare I even commit to that number?) I will discover me and what I like and probably things I don't like. While my New Year's resolution continues to be the same as it is every year, to end this year better than I was at the beginning, I want to do that by enjoying, not just enduring. I want to be able to say in 2012 I discovered things about myself that I didn't know and became better in the process.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I have to admit that about this time every year I start to evaluate my life. I think about the year that has past and wonder about the things that took place. There was actually a point at this time last year where I was confident I would be married by this birthday. Earlier this year it looked like I might even be engaged by my birthday. But.... And while it's easy to think about the fact that I'm 38 (almost) and don't have a husband and children, which is something I will continue to wish for every year, there are a lot of great things that happened from May of 2010 until May of 2011. Let me share just a few of them.
- I graduated from college! It took 20 years, but I finally did it. I cried when I submitted my last assignment. I couldn't believe I was finally finished.
- I fell in love - twice. Well, not exactly twice because it was the same man both times. And actually I had never fallen out of love with him. I never knew one could experience that kind of love. It made it impossible to concentrate on anything, kept me daydreaming constantly, and made me a better person.
- I experienced a broken heart - a really broken heart. This sounds like a ridiculous thing to report, but the result of that broken heart was a much better me.
- An entire year of weekly temple attendance. What a blessing this was for me.
- My job changed twice. I changed stores in September and in April of this year, my workload changed dramatically as the responsibilities of the distribution center were added to my job description.
- Had an absolutely fantastic Christmas season. I attribute this to weekly temple attendance.
I'm sure there are more, many more things that happened since my last birthday. The bottom line is that I had a lot happen. Some of it was incredibly difficult. Some of it still is. But I know absolutely that I have a loving Father who is so aware of me. I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I know that He does because He sees the whole picture. While I am nowhere near the spot I thought I would be at this point in my life, I am at the spot I should be. I'm looking forward to the events of the next 12 months, the things I will learn, the experiences I will have, and the person Ihope I will become.